Shards of a Stolen Life
by DragonShadow
Summary: My name is Pam. Me, Alice, and Crimson were once spies for WOOHP... but we were captured, and lost the most important years of our lives. I write this in the hopes of remembering the pieces of my life that were taken from me.


Pamela Reynolds:  
August 6, 2004  
  
I've tried moving on... but it's like waking up from a dream that you can't possibly remember no matter how hard you try. An important dream that made you feel like nothing you've ever known. You try to remember, but you just can't. It eludes you... taunts you... haunts you until it's hard to think of anything else. The answers keep escaping me... so I'm writing this in the hopes that reading my own thoughts will help bring back those memories that seem forever lost to the passage of time like so many twigs down a stream. I lost seven years of my life to Edison... and Goddamnit I want them back.  
  
I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself of course. I suppose it all started back when I first joined the World Organization Of Human Protection. Me, Alice and Crimson... we had never met each other before we were whisked... or WOOHPed... away from our homes. Candidates chosen as another team in a long line of young girls trained to save the world. It was scary... I was only thirteen at the time, and it seemed like I was about to black out I was so stunned. But Jerry was there to calm me down.  
  
"Don't worry... you're in good hands for now... and soon, we'll all be in YOUR hands" he told me. To be honest, that only scared me more. But looking back, I guess I could've responded with more grace even for a thirteen-year-old girl faced by a strange fifty-year-old man in a cold metal room.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed and ran, with no idea where I was trying to go. I don't even remember where I did wind up running to. All I remember is waking up with a kind, gentle looking nurse standing over me and a bruise on my forehead. They never did tell me if I tripped or I was stopped by one of the WOOHP agents. I guess these days this would all be too illegal for words and I could get someone in trouble, but Jerry and WOOHP don't legally exist, so who would they prosecute? Sorry... I'm rambling.  
  
The nurse was a pleasant change from the scary man with the silver hair, so I calmed down and had the situation explained to me. They asked me what I wanted to do... but I don't know if I really understood what it meant, because I agreed. I knew it was exciting, and school was boring. Not much of a decision for an energetic teenage girl who dreams of living in a fairy tale of excitement and happy endings. Thinking about it, WOOHP is pretty damn exploitive. But that's not what this is about.  
  
I apologize, I'm going off on a lot of tangents. I'm here for my memories... and I'm apologizing to myself for going off on those tangents, because nobody ELSE is ever going to read this. Perhaps the seven missing years did something to my brain worse than I thought... oh well, this does seem to be helping, so on I go. Now where was I...? Oh yes.  
  
The first time I met Crimson was several days later, after they sent me home and brought me back to begin my training. I walked into the locker room and almost got a pack of Life Savers shoved up my nose. Crimson was... um... jumpy back then.  
  
"I'm changing in here!" Crimson screamed at me, trying to cover her bare torso with one arm.  
  
"Hey, come on, it's a locker room! Not your personal changing booth!" I yelled back. Crimson's face had been as red as her fiery hair. It's hard to believe she was so modest in the beginning. I almost forgot about that. Heh. I guess that means my little self-therapy session here is working. Hooray for crackpot ideas.  
  
"Well can't you wait a minute!?" Crimson yelled back at me.  
  
"Hey, relax. We're both girls here. Look." I pulled my shirt off so that we were even, without even thinking about it. We were both in the middle of the maturing process, but oddly she was more mature physically than I was. And yet SHE was the embarrassed one.  
  
Her blush didn't fade, but she lowered the Life Savers she'd been trying to impale my brain with. I walked into the locker to look for the outfit they'd told me was waiting for me in there.  
  
"It's over here." Crimson told me, gesturing to a locker with my name on it. It's stupid... but I was actually proud to have my name on that locker. It made me feel officially important. Though that didn't stop me from being easily distracted I remember. After a few minutes of standing nervously half-naked in each other's presence, we started a game of strip-tag where whoever got tagged had to remove an article of clothing. I don't remember how it started, but I remember we were both laughing, panting, and naked by the time one of the WOOHP nurses came in to fetch us.  
  
Maybe that was the idea, now that I think about it. We'd been exposed to each other intimately, and we became fast friends because we really had nothing to hide from each other, being in the same boat. Looking back... was that Jerry's plan all along? He's a crafty one, and I wouldn't put it past him. Gah, I'm going off on a tangent again. Stop that Pam.  
  
The nurse made us get dressed in our WOOHP training uniforms and led us to the training room, where Jerry and the third member of our team, Alice, were waiting for us. Unlike me or Crimson, Alice was all business from the get-go. In fact, I would go so far as to call her a prodigy. She was an absolute genius, and knew the answers to even the hardest questions Jerry asked.  
  
It took longer for her to be accepted by me and Crimson. She was very aloof until one training session Crimson got tired of it and smacked her across the face. I'm still not sure if she was surprised or scared, but she stopped acting like a superior snob and sort of melted into the three-prong fold that made up all of WOOHP's finest teams since its inception. It took longer for us to become friends, but when it happened, we all became inseparable.  
  
A year and a half later, almost on Crimson's fifteenth birthday, Jerry deemed us fit for active duty. We were so excited, our super agent spy lives were about to begin. Excitement, adventure, traveling, and sexy strangers were my image of the future. Damn you James Bond for fooling me into thinking a spy's life was glamorous.  
  
Not that it was bad in the beginning. For a while nothing happened, and our lives continued as normal. We were never apart... so we were together when Jerry WOOHPed us again to give us our first real assignment. Edison... the man who would ultimately steal my life from me. He was the first whacko we had to deal with. He'd decided that war was more profitable than peace, so he was trying to secretly egg two rival African countries into a bloody war so he could sell them both his weapons. The plan? Stop him and stop a war. Simple first mission.  
  
Yeah right. Even after all our training, we'd might as well have been plucked off the street and thrown into a battlefield with hairdryers for weapons. We started our search in Kenyopia, a small country near the edge of the African continent. We didn't find anything, even though it turned out that was where he was hiding all along.  
  
Yeah, we were pathetic. At least I can admit it. You can't bat a hundred all the time I guess, and you're expected to blunder a few times on your first outing. We didn't stop the war from starting up between Kenyopia and Lyrobia again, but we did manage to keep Edison's weapons from making it even more destructive than it was before by capturing him. He didn't take very kindly to it, but it was our first victory, so celebrations were in order.  
  
Ah, hehe, the celebration. I almost forgot about that. Crimson figured that since we were old enough to be international spies we were old enough to drink beer. Me and Alice tried to warn her against it, but she was determined to party like the world was ending and chugged three cans in the span of a half hour. It's a pity that passing out halted her party plans. Come to think of it, she never did tell me how she got her hands on the stuff. Maybe I'll ask her about that later.  
  
Heh, Jerry got on her case so hard when she finally came around the next morning. I've never seen her so flustered and helpless, dealing with a painful hangover and Jerry chiding her for a good hour straight. "It was the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard of. What if there had been a mission? What if you had been hurt? The team needs you in tip-top shape at all times. You're not just putting yourself in danger, you're putting them in danger as well."  
  
Crimson was so mentally battered by the time Jerry let her go home that she didn't talk for the rest of the day. I might've pitied her if I didn't think she deserved it, at least a little. For a while I thought Crimson was permanently scarred, but she broke that illusion the next morning by showing up to my house wearing a thin layer of bubble-wrap instead of clothes. Wow... I just realized how much she changed in those first eighteen months. From shy and nervous about her body in a locker room to walking around school almost completely nude. Of course she was sent home for it, but she didn't mind. She told me later that was part of her master plan to get a day off. "I've thought about aiming for expulsion, but eh, we'll see what happens." She told me.  
  
Our second mission was a few weeks later and this time Alice was completely on the ball. She tracked a terrorist who'd threatened to blow up the White House halfway across the world to the country of Pakistan. After that, it was a quick move to get in there, find the culprit, and get out again before anyone noticed us. Jerry was so proud he offered us all huge paychecks. Me and Alice declined the offer of course. We were doing this to save the world from evil, not to get huge cash prizes. Crimson bought a car.  
  
That success proved our worth to WOOHP, and they started using us more and more often. There were some tough moments, and heartbreaking situations... but honestly it's getting fuzzy at this point. I don't know how much I can remember... I guess Edison's Neural Control device also affected the time just before we were captured too. But I'm here to reclaim those memories, so I've got to remember... I want my life back... um...  
  
I think... I think there was a time when we were sent on a mission underwater to find a secret terrorist base. Our submarine wasn't nearly as advanced as the stuff the current spies have. So we had to pilot it ourselves with our WOOHP training instead of relying on autopilot. Okay... I'll be honest. Alice did the piloting. Me and Crimson would've slammed into every rock under the sea. Am I going somewhere with this? I can't remember...  
  
Yes... yes I remember... the sub suddenly lost power when we were almost to the base. It turned out later that there was a traitor in WOOHP... some rat named Tim Scam. He was a WOOHP scientist, but he was also supplying WOOHP technology to the terrorists for money. Unfortunately, we could never find any evidence to have him locked up, so Jerry could only fire him from his job, not put him behind bars where he belonged.  
  
And he was the one who sabotaged our sub to run out of juice. We spent three days trapped in there until WOOHP came to fetch us. I remember being so scared... when the power first went out I tried to stay brave like a good leader should but... I couldn't stay that way. I was shaking and afraid... I was sure we would all suffocate... or starve... whichever came first. I'm ashamed to say I panicked...  
  
Hotheaded Crimson had to keep me calm... I don't know what came over me. I simply couldn't keep control of myself, but feeling her arms around me helped. Maybe it was because, for once, there wasn't anything I could do. The engine was out of power and we were going to die. I was certain. So Crimson kept me calm while Alice tried to get the sub working again. Alice didn't succeed... but Crimson did... I owe her my life. If not for her, I might've committed suicide by trying to leave the sub and swim to the surface.  
  
I can't believe I forgot all of this. That moment was, strangely, one of the times I've felt safest in my life, held in Crimson's arms deep beneath the sea. It's such a precious memory... it scares me that it almost slipped away. But, this proves that my self-therapy is working. It's all becoming clearer. A little longer, and maybe I can unlock what happened during the seven years I remained under Edison's control. But... do I even want to know? Hmmm...  
  
As I said, we spent three days trapped on that submarine before WOOHP finally rescued us and brought us back to headquarters. The three of us never separated for the next few days while we recuperated at WOOHP, and even when we were released me and Crimson remained closer than ever. I'm not sure if we ever quite moved past... um... Hell, I'm a grown woman now. I'm not sure if we became lovers despite our closeness, but I do still love her like a precious sister. Even today she helps me keep what sanity I have left.  
  
What else happened after that... it's getting fuzzier... wait, I remember, Jerry's birthday party. His birthday was coming up, and he was slowly losing his mop of distinguishing silver hair, so we all chipped in and bought him a silver wig. Heh, we thought it would be helpful and practical, but he didn't think so. We got sent on five missions straight with no breaks after that. Thankfully they were mostly small ones that didn't require a lot of traveling. Guarding events, protecting important diplomats, that kind of thing.  
  
He never said he was mad, but it wasn't hard for us to figure out... okay Alice figured it out, but she told me and Crimson about it. We apologized, and everything went back to normal... as normal as being a fifteen-year-old spy can be anyway. After that... after that... um... something... something good I think. I can't remember what it was but... thinking about it makes me feel warm... comfortable. What...? What was it? Was it Crimson? Did something happen between me and her? I just... can't remember...  
  
Something... wait... Crimson... her parents tried to move away. We were in the middle of saying goodbye... we were so close, I remember now... closer than I thought... we were saying goodbye when we were WOOHPed. Jerry sent us on one last mission as a team, since we couldn't be teammates if Crimson left town. It was... this was... Edison... this is it. I remember... our last mission before we were captured. We were going to investigate a small island where strange radio signals were being transmitted. They didn't seem dangerous, so we didn't equip ourselves too well... that was a huge mistake.  
  
Why does remembering this make me feel so warm and comfortable? We reached the island and started our investigation... but we barely started before Edison caught us off-guard while we were sleeping one night. It was dark, and we were all distracted by Crimson's imminent move anyway. We barely had a chance to put up a fight before Edison disarmed us all and locked us away deep inside his island. He took Alice somewhere else, leaving me and Crimson alone in the cell. It's strange... why am I feeling so pleasant about all of this? It makes no sense... have I officially gone insane?  
  
Wait... in the cell... me and Crimson spoke. Of... of course... I was happy... I was very happy... because as long as we were captured and held... Crimson could never leave me. We didn't know what Edison planned to do to us, for all we knew he was going to dump us all in a vat of sharks or something... but I enjoyed that time with Crimson. Of course, that was the last time I would be able to enjoy my time with her...  
  
After that... after... I remember... I remember Alice came back to our cell... but it wasn't her. The Spinal Splint completely ruled her mind... we couldn't get through to her, no matter what. Me and Crimson were taken to Edison's lab too... He... God it's getting fuzzier and fuzzier... I... I think he did Crimson first... I had to watch him strap her down on the table face down, driving needles into the back of her neck. She screamed in pain... I could hear it all... hear her crying out... at one point I think... yes... she called my name...  
  
After he finished with her... he left her unconscious on the table, and came to me... it... it's getting fuzzier... I think I remember the pinch of needles in my neck... I remember the straps holding me down... what else... what was I thinking? I... I think... I remember thinking... wondering if I would be able to be with Crimson once he finished whatever he was doing... wondering if we would meet again in Heaven... or Hell... it didn't matter which...  
  
God, I'm twenty-five years old now, but I'm crying like a frightened little girl. After he finished... it seems like darkness... but... but it's getting lighter... I can see... things. No. Enough Pam... stop torturing yourself. You know he did nothing good to you while you were under his control. I know I did nothing good while I was out... why do I want to remember the worst part of my life? I've regained what I need... I remember what I felt... the most important thing I've ever felt.  
  
Crimson... I wonder if she remembers any of this. How much do they remember? I've never asked... and I don't think I have the courage to ask now. What if Crimson remembers nothing... and thinks me a delusional fool for suggesting that once we were far... far... far more than friends? What if she remembers more than I do? What if she remembers what happened during the time we were under Edison's control? Would I want that knowledge?  
  
I honestly don't know. Ever since those three junior spies freed us from Edison's control three years ago, I've had a lot of difficulty being around Crimson. I suppose now I know why... we were so close once, but things changed... we changed... could we go back to that, even if we both remembered? I'm now really and truly afraid that the answer is no.  
  
It's decided, I'll keep quiet about my memories. Heh. It's strange. I sat here for hours, poring through my own brain for all these answers that I thought would shake my world but... now that I have all the answers I want... everything will go back to the way it was yesterday. No... that's not quite true. Nothing can give back those missing seven years, and nothing will change now... but I'll have the most precious thing that I've ever had.  
  
I have the most precious moments of my life back.  
  
August 6, 2004 Pamela Reynolds 


End file.
